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I Want To Live My Life

by Stars Hollow

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1.
It’s like something’s in my closet Laughing at me I’ll learn to love it Without it I don’t think I could sleep And I wish that my comforts We’re comforting to me I want to live my life But I’ll be here waiting
2.
Cutting off a tattoo That reads “redeem for life” Stuck to you Like glue and losses Can’t rewind or restart it And if it’s true Then there’s no use My skin can’t tear to repair you It’s inconvenient But if you need it I’ll run to you To complain about all of your problems and mine And you’ll say It’s my fault When you know you’re not helping at all But you’re not wrong So I’ll smile You’ll say I haven’t in awhile I wanna know just what it’s like To be happy all the time I bet it’s nice To feel like everything is fine Go live a normal life And be happy all the time.
3.
Life, does it hate you? I’m chewing off my nails Until I bleed out on a stretcher But it’s no better Just because there’s sheets Just because you say It’s not happening Because it feels real to me There’s nothing fake About imagining everything When I don’t want to care I don’t wanna feel like the air Is made of concrete permanently stuck When I’m trying to breathe I wanna be 17 In the back of my car sleeping With the windows down Feeling space where I am right now There’s no space in the air right now When I don’t want to care I don’t wanna feel like the air Is made of concrete permanently And I hate that I can’t trace back to when I became this Inanimate object That refuses to say no But someday I’ll move I’ll climb to your room Up the power lines Bend blood inside you I’ll be the glow you need I’ll hang by the moon Shining borrowed light on you
4.
Get in the car and say that I should know
 Just where to go 
You know if I had it my way
 I’d drive this car into the snow And freeze under the lake
 To keep us this way 
Found all the pieces I need
 And put them in place 

I really don’t think I’ll get over anything 
I really don’t think I’ll get over

 The process it took to ask
 When I didn’t know
 But I could guess 
Where your heart was at
 When I heard your smile crack
 And when you turned To walk away
 I could have sworn
 I heard you say 
“Hey man, I get you,
 But you know I matter too.” I won’t get over 
How you pull words out of me 
I’ll scream “I love you”
 Out the sunroof
 But you won’t hear a thing

 I really don’t think I’ll get over anything
 But if you keep laughing 
Then I’ll smile through everything
5.
With Weight. 01:52
Why can't you just say it? You need me like two chapped lips That crack like the sidewalk The one you chipped your tooth on Your laugh is stained Looked the other way When you got a new face Why can't you just say it? That I'm me And you hate it But you don't hate it I heard you say that You don't get why I feel that way That it's not your job To make me feel okay But you still love me But you're right I need to pull my own weight
6.
... 01:33
I took a step back When I saw the window cracked I pulled it shut And I went back to my room where I think something's in my closet Laughing at me It's hard to love but without it I won't fall asleep I hope someday my comforts Will be comforting I'm not sure if life Is meant to be waiting
7.
Through the windshield 
Just a pane You want to see what it takes to
 Break through 
And run the other way 
But I thought you should know

 I found your tongue
 Bleeding out under a cushion on the couch
 And I’d give it back 
But you said that all you need 
Is your teeth

 And you’re not lying
 Because when you bite down
 It’s like barbed wire from your mouth
 Cuts through my skin
 That you live in
 You said it was never mine
 It’s kind of sad
I think you’re right most of the time But should it be that way?
 A codependence A car with no brakes

 But you tell me not to worry
 You’ll be the airbag that stops me from hurting
 With a foot on the gas
 You say that shattered glass is good for my skin
 And I can’t deny that
 (It sounds wrong)
 But I don’t think you would lie When I look twice 
(you’re gone) I’m not buckled in
8.
Beside You. 02:18
Help me forget everything All my nightmares and daydreams I don't want to be just like you But I want to be someone you'd like to Try to keep beside you Does it hurt to look at me? I guess it's not life if you're not suffering Could you say you're proud at least? Because I'm not I can't be I don't love it But I love you I don't have to But I want to So I reach my hand out While I fall to the ground And I can hear you laughing It's exactly what I need You're what I need When my limbs are weak I can't feel a thing When I stop to think About all the reasons I'm scared of everything
9.
Dead dirt in the summer Smoking with the backyard Burning underneath your calloused feet But it's armor It keeps you safe Like the nightlight by your bed stand That just keeps you awake Because it's better to see Than to ever fall asleep Defenselessly But I'll let you know When I got home Because I know you worry When you see the ways I could die In your dreams But you're in pain And I'm alive On your list of problems I'm at the bottom I'm at the bottom
10.
But Better. 03:07
I let out a laugh When I saw the window cracked I pried it open But you pulled me back inside Said "Life's not kind" I want to try Let it hit like a fist in the face At recess in the first grade And while blood pours out my nose I won't try to stop it It feels like I"m waiting for something amazing That might not ever come It feels like I'm waiting for something amazing But will it ever come There's something in my closet Laughing at me I'll never love it Without it I could fall asleep And fear's not a comfort I think it's killing me I want to live my life But better I'll face everything I want to live my life But better I'm tired of waiting

about

I Want To Live My Life was recorded between September of 2019 and May of 2020 at The Warming House with Greg Lindholm.

Released by Acrobat Unstable.

Thank you for caring about our band.

credits

released May 7, 2021

Stars Hollow is:

Tyler Stodghill
Gavin Brown
Andrew Ferren

Recorded by Greg Lindholm

All artwork by Alexis Politz.

Additional instruments and harmonies provided by Greg Lindholm.

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Stars Hollow Des Moines, Iowa

Iowa emo. In the Flower Bed 4/5/2024.

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